The Iconic Edition
News
|8 Aug|3 mins

5 Super Weird House Inspections

When it's not just dinner that's cooked...
Nick Banks
8 Aug
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They should be exciting – the chance of a new life - but the truth is most house inspections leave you deflated or even frankly disturbed. Because whether you’re looking for a room in a shared house or you’ve kept off the smashed avo so you can now afford a place to yourself, you can guarantee you’ll find a whole heap of weird out there.

1. Dunny Deal

‘I’d been looking for a place for a while and was sick of seeing rooms that were above my budget and then too small anyway. So when I saw on Gumtree someone advertising a room in a good location for a good price – and with an ensuite – I jumped at it. When I went round to look at it, I realised why there were no takers. The ensuite wasn’t an ensuite at all but a really old, dirty toilet (and nothing else, not even a sink) that was sticking out of the wall on one side of the room right by the bed. It was the weirdest room I’d ever seen – but I took it anyway!’

2. Bird Bath

‘I was super-excited to view this one place because the apartment looked nice and the block had a pool. But when the agent took me to the see the pool after I’d looked round the apartment, there were two men standing at the side fishing out what looked like a dead bird with a net. The weirdest thing was the pool was indoors!”

3. Lost Lover

‘All the way through uni I was really into this guy on my course and when I was coming to the end of my studies I hooked up with him at a party. I was so drunk that I don’t remember anything about it until I woke up in the morning to find that he’d gone and at some point in the night I must have wet the bed. I was mortified and needless to say I never heard from him again.

‘About two months later I was looking for somewhere to live and found a place online, sharing with two others. When I went round to see the place I really liked the girl who showed me round and I loved the apartment but the other flatmate wasn’t home so she told me to wait around to meet him. We shared a bottle of wine as we waited and were bonding over our shared love of 80s music when about an hour later her flatmate popped his head in the door. I died when I saw it was him! We both pretended we’d never met but needless to say I never heard back about the apartment.’

News
|8 Aug|3 mins

5 Super Weird House Inspections

When it's not just dinner that's cooked...
Nick Banks
8 Aug
Share:

They should be exciting – the chance of a new life - but the truth is most house inspections leave you deflated or even frankly disturbed. Because whether you’re looking for a room in a shared house or you’ve kept off the smashed avo so you can now afford a place to yourself, you can guarantee you’ll find a whole heap of weird out there.

1. Dunny Deal

‘I’d been looking for a place for a while and was sick of seeing rooms that were above my budget and then too small anyway. So when I saw on Gumtree someone advertising a room in a good location for a good price – and with an ensuite – I jumped at it. When I went round to look at it, I realised why there were no takers. The ensuite wasn’t an ensuite at all but a really old, dirty toilet (and nothing else, not even a sink) that was sticking out of the wall on one side of the room right by the bed. It was the weirdest room I’d ever seen – but I took it anyway!’

2. Bird Bath

‘I was super-excited to view this one place because the apartment looked nice and the block had a pool. But when the agent took me to the see the pool after I’d looked round the apartment, there were two men standing at the side fishing out what looked like a dead bird with a net. The weirdest thing was the pool was indoors!”

3. Lost Lover

‘All the way through uni I was really into this guy on my course and when I was coming to the end of my studies I hooked up with him at a party. I was so drunk that I don’t remember anything about it until I woke up in the morning to find that he’d gone and at some point in the night I must have wet the bed. I was mortified and needless to say I never heard from him again.

‘About two months later I was looking for somewhere to live and found a place online, sharing with two others. When I went round to see the place I really liked the girl who showed me round and I loved the apartment but the other flatmate wasn’t home so she told me to wait around to meet him. We shared a bottle of wine as we waited and were bonding over our shared love of 80s music when about an hour later her flatmate popped his head in the door. I died when I saw it was him! We both pretended we’d never met but needless to say I never heard back about the apartment.’

4. Spooky Space

“My girlfriend always said she could sense if a house had a good or bad energy when she went into one — and I always laughed at her for it — until we viewed this one old terrace house. It was totally empty and the agent seemed nervous when he showed us in and stayed at the door the whole time as though he just wanted to leave. The whole place felt cold and gloomy and when we finished we told the agent it was kind of spooky. He nodded and said on the last viewing a glass had smashed in the kitchen when nobody had even been in there. Just as he was telling us this, we all heard what sounded like a weird cackling laughter from upstairs. We left as quickly as possible!”

5. Hawaiian Host

‘Without doubt the coolest house inspection I ever did was this place in Melbourne. The guy advertising the room had built an entire tiki bar in his living room and mixed me a cocktail with all this crazy Hawaiian music playing. He was such a nice guy - I didn’t get the room but he wrote me anyway to explain he had given it to his friend and invited me back to the tiki bar in his living room anytime I wanted to go.”

Nick Banks
Writer
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