The Iconic Edition
News
|2 Jul|4 mins

5 Very Bad First Dates

Wouldn't wish these on our worst enemies
Laura Collins
2 Jul
Share:

Whether you end up married with babies and a house in the ‘burbs or not, most of us have one of those funny, weird, awkward or just plain bad first date stories to share. We convinced five brave folks to tell us theirs.

1. THE MISSED CONNECTION

“I was two hours late to a date, and when I got there she was leaving. I can’t remember why I was so late, but I also can’t believe she stayed and waited for that long. Anyway, the date was pretty terrible; we had nothing in common and unsurprisingly, she ghosted me after it.”

2. THE PENNY PINCHER

“I met a guy on Tinder; some wannabe writer who lived with his parents in their North Shore mansion. We went on a first date to the Night Noodle Markets in Sydney, where he mentioned his craving for mango pancakes, then insisted that because I haven't tried them, I must. So he went and ordered two, at a total cost of $5, and then took the coins from my hand when I offered them. At a different stand, he ordered one dish of noodles, paid, and then stood aside for me to order mine. He literally wouldn’t spring $8 to buy me some noodles! But anyway, the date continued. He offered to walk me home, carrying a bunch of stuff I bought home from the office. When we got there, he demanded on coming upstairs as his "reward" for helping me carry all the things (which I could’ve easily carried myself). We ended up making out on the sofa, but I turned down his advances to take it any further and after he left, he texted me to ask why we didn't sleep together, and then proceeded to ask if we ever will, or if it's "like, a religion thing".”

3. THE AWKWARD INTRODUCTION

“I once had a first date with this girl who was a friend of my friend’s current fling. We arranged to meet – for the first time ever, mind you – at a Woolworths nearby (IDEK) to buy some stuff and make dinner at her house. I got there after her, so I spotted her in one of the aisles and went up and said hi. Then we were making some awkward small talk and I said something to the effect of, “What would you do if I had, like, a basket full of home-brand stuff? HA HA.” (Who says that?! 19-year-old me, apparently). Looked down, and she has exactly that in her basket. Anyway, I think the rest of the night was OK – we ended up dating for a few months – but it just goes to show how often, and badly, I put my foot in my mouth sometimes.”

4. THE HAPPY ENDING

“We ended up dating for 8 years, but my first date with my ex-boyfriend was pretty hit and miss. We went to see a zombie movie because I was all about George A Romero at the time. So there we were in the dark cinema, watching this hectic movie, and he leans over and says, “Should you hold my hand in case you get scared?” Obviously he was just trying to be cute, but I snorted and said “You’re a loser”. Despite my in-the-moment laughter, it was definitely not funny at all. He didn’t laugh and actually told me later that he almost didn’t continue the date because of it.”

5. THE DEFINITELY NOT CHIC

“I was having a flirty time with a guy from work when we both found out we’d be flying to Paris for a conference. Just the two of us! One 23-hour flight later, we caught a taxi to the hotel and planned to meet in a few hours to go exploring. We went to this rowdy bar in Bastille where, on an empty stomach, I discovered the ‘free pour’ cocktail. Afterwards, he took me to an incredibly intimate Argentinian steak restaurant, where he ordered us some incredibly rich steak and red wine. The jetlag, the cocktail, the steak – it all hit me at once, and I spent half the evening politely excusing myself, in between him telling me about his siblings, so I could go and vomit in the one-stall bathroom. I was too embarrassed to admit how sick I was, so I just sat there pretending to listen and trying not to barf on the table. I was so happy when the night was over; I went back to my room and called my friend to cry.”

News
|2 Jul|4 mins

5 Very Bad First Dates

Wouldn't wish these on our worst enemies
Laura Collins
2 Jul
Share:

Whether you end up married with babies and a house in the ‘burbs or not, most of us have one of those funny, weird, awkward or just plain bad first date stories to share. We convinced five brave folks to tell us theirs.

1. THE MISSED CONNECTION

“I was two hours late to a date, and when I got there she was leaving. I can’t remember why I was so late, but I also can’t believe she stayed and waited for that long. Anyway, the date was pretty terrible; we had nothing in common and unsurprisingly, she ghosted me after it.”

2. THE PENNY PINCHER

“I met a guy on Tinder; some wannabe writer who lived with his parents in their North Shore mansion. We went on a first date to the Night Noodle Markets in Sydney, where he mentioned his craving for mango pancakes, then insisted that because I haven't tried them, I must. So he went and ordered two, at a total cost of $5, and then took the coins from my hand when I offered them. At a different stand, he ordered one dish of noodles, paid, and then stood aside for me to order mine. He literally wouldn’t spring $8 to buy me some noodles! But anyway, the date continued. He offered to walk me home, carrying a bunch of stuff I bought home from the office. When we got there, he demanded on coming upstairs as his "reward" for helping me carry all the things (which I could’ve easily carried myself). We ended up making out on the sofa, but I turned down his advances to take it any further and after he left, he texted me to ask why we didn't sleep together, and then proceeded to ask if we ever will, or if it's "like, a religion thing".”

3. THE AWKWARD INTRODUCTION

“I once had a first date with this girl who was a friend of my friend’s current fling. We arranged to meet – for the first time ever, mind you – at a Woolworths nearby (IDEK) to buy some stuff and make dinner at her house. I got there after her, so I spotted her in one of the aisles and went up and said hi. Then we were making some awkward small talk and I said something to the effect of, “What would you do if I had, like, a basket full of home-brand stuff? HA HA.” (Who says that?! 19-year-old me, apparently). Looked down, and she has exactly that in her basket. Anyway, I think the rest of the night was OK – we ended up dating for a few months – but it just goes to show how often, and badly, I put my foot in my mouth sometimes.”

4. THE HAPPY ENDING

“We ended up dating for 8 years, but my first date with my ex-boyfriend was pretty hit and miss. We went to see a zombie movie because I was all about George A Romero at the time. So there we were in the dark cinema, watching this hectic movie, and he leans over and says, “Should you hold my hand in case you get scared?” Obviously he was just trying to be cute, but I snorted and said “You’re a loser”. Despite my in-the-moment laughter, it was definitely not funny at all. He didn’t laugh and actually told me later that he almost didn’t continue the date because of it.”

5. THE DEFINITELY NOT CHIC

“I was having a flirty time with a guy from work when we both found out we’d be flying to Paris for a conference. Just the two of us! One 23-hour flight later, we caught a taxi to the hotel and planned to meet in a few hours to go exploring. We went to this rowdy bar in Bastille where, on an empty stomach, I discovered the ‘free pour’ cocktail. Afterwards, he took me to an incredibly intimate Argentinian steak restaurant, where he ordered us some incredibly rich steak and red wine. The jetlag, the cocktail, the steak – it all hit me at once, and I spent half the evening politely excusing myself, in between him telling me about his siblings, so I could go and vomit in the one-stall bathroom. I was too embarrassed to admit how sick I was, so I just sat there pretending to listen and trying not to barf on the table. I was so happy when the night was over; I went back to my room and called my friend to cry.”

Not sure what to wear on your next date? Luckily we've got just the thing...

Laura Collins
Writer
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